Simon Says, “Take Two Giant Steps Backward.”
This post is dedicated to President Joanne Epps, interim president of Temple University and Dr. Orinthia T. Montague, President of Volunteer State Community College, two Black women presidents who died this week. It is also dedicated to all the women of color for whom I founded the Faculty Women of Color in the Academy National Conference.
Nine years ago, on my way to work at the University of Illinois, I heard a voice say, “Simon Says, Take Two Giant Steps Backward.” I remember having a conversation with this “voice.” What do you mean? Take Two Giant Steps Backward? Most of us are aware of that children’s game. The way the game works is that one person is chosen to be Simon, who according to Julie Glover, a blogger who writes a lot about children’s games and their origins, is named after Simon De Montfort, a 13th-century French-English noble, who commanded so much authority from those around him that he imprisoned King Henry III.
So, in the game, this powerful Simon gives a command. Players must only obey the commands that start with “Simon says”. If you follow a command that doesn’t begin with “Simon says” you are out.
It was an odd voice in my head, but relevant to my current role and challenges. I had been questioning the magnitude of my commitment, dedication, and loyalty to the university. It was not being rewarded. I had worked my way “up the ladder,” as they say –the proverbial career ladder. I had arrived at the University of Illinois as an Associate Director of the Office of Equal Opportunity and Access and Assistant Provost. I had been in a more senior role at Vanderbilt University for 8 years, holding three titles: Assistant Secretary of the University, responsible for a 40 member board of trustees and 8 committees; University Compliance Officer, responsible for all things compliance from athletics, to affirmative action, to human subjects research, to animal research to environmental health and safety; and the university attorney for real estate and construction, negotiation over $500 million worth of construction contracts. When I knew it was time to start looking for another job, closer to my mother in Illinois, I started looking. I was sure that I was going to find a job quickly. I was a senior administrator; I had 5 degrees, including 2 master’s degrees; a law degree; and a PhD. It took 8 months. The job I landed was a position 2 levels lower in the organization, with a $30,000 salary cut.
Over the next 8 years at Illinois, I worked my way up to Associate Chancellor and Associate Provost and Associate Professor with tenure. When a new chancellor arrived, I was asked to serve as chief of staff. I was also serving as associate chancellor for strategic affairs and as chief diversity officer. In addition, I was teaching Critical Race Theory and Critical Race Feminism in the Law School and Black Feminism in the African American Studies department, revising my dissertation into a book, and working quietly toward a tenure dossier. I was getting to work at 7 am, after dropping my two young children off at school, and staying until 6 pm, picking them up from after school. I was navigating a challenging marriage and trying to frequently visit my mother who was navigating Alzheimer’s.
Since my first day of work on October 16, 2006, I had maintained a disciplined routine. I was almost always the first car in the parking lot in front of the Swanlund Administration Building, pulling into my assigned space next to the Chancellor’s. It was rare that the Chancellor’s car was ever there before mine. When I left Swanlund, the lot was largely empty, the building often silent. I was the only Black woman in senior administration.
As Chief of Staff, the Chancellor asked me to help retain two senior White male administrators. I met them on weekends to discuss their retention requests, helped draft their new contracts with their title promotions and substantial salary increases. One left a few months later anyway. When I brought the salary discrepancy to the attention of the Chancellor, I was put on pause, given excuses. I never received an increase, yet I continued for several months thereafter to “do my job”: show up early, leave late, and work at home until the wee hours.
It was one of those seemingly routine days when I arrived early to my assigned parking space that I heard the voice, “Simon Says, Take Two Giant Steps Backward.” I heard it; it was very loud. It was repetitive and insistent.
I was obedient to it, and I changed my behavior because of it. I didn’t need to get to the office early. I had a guaranteed assigned parking space. Other folks arrived between 8 and 9. I started doing the same. If I got to campus early, I went to a nearby church and played piano. I started to leave at 4 or even 4:30, to avoid the “rush hour.” When I got home, I stopped doing work until the wee hours for Administration. What didn’t get done, didn’t get done.
It felt liberating. I didn’t know that those two giant steps would become 1000 steps as I would be recruited to Virginia Tech a few months later.
I have reflected often on why we, the proverbial we, often Black women, women of color, work so hard. I know that I was told as a child that we had to work twice as hard and be twice as good, and even then it might not be enough.
There are several reasons for this reality. Racism and sexism are real. I have experienced it my entire career. As a lawyer and sociologist, I study it. We have to work twice as hard to be recognized for our excellence because we are fighting against stereotypes that demean and dehumanize us. The two volume work of Yolanda Flores Niemann (Editor), Gabriella Gutiérrez y Muhs (Editor), Carmen G. González (Editor) called, Presumed Incompetent is a wonderful body of scholarship about the experiences of women of color in higher education.
The other challenge is that there is a long legacy of Black women’s “community uplift.”
One of the constants of the post-slavery African American experience has been the positive role played by Black women and Black women’s organizations in promoting community uplift:
The National Association of Colored Women (NACW) helped set the stage for modern African American female community activism. Established in 1896, the NACW adopted as its motto “lifting as we climb.” This pioneering organization, which gave top priority to assisting disadvantaged black youth, also brought public attention to such broad-based contemporary problems as lynching and disenfranchisement. Another important development in the evolution of progressive black women’s organizations was the birth and development of Greek-lettered African American sororities. Beginning with the establishment of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. in 1908, succeeding years featured the establishment of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. in 1913, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc. in 1920, and Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. in 1922. These organizations, similar to their male counterparts, have their own distinct histories and traditions. But the one thing that binds them together is their collective commitment to community service.
Still another historic and contemporary manifestation of organized black female community involvement is The Links, Inc, established in 1946. Its chapters across the country have long focused on such issues as education and racial health disparities.”
https://www.kmuw.org/past-and-present/2016-02-23/black-womens-organizations-promote-community-uplift
My sheroes have been Mary McLeod Bethune, Mary Church Terrell, and Dorothy Height, among others. These women were powerful advocates and activists for our race.
Another painful reality for Black women is that we often have to fight against Black male sexism. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/08/23/march-on-washington-60th-anniversary-how-women-were-nearly-left-out/11761011002/
In a powerful Facebook post by Eboni Marshall Turman, she shares her experience with the historical Abyssinian Baptist Church in the village of Harlem, in the City of New York and the deacons actions to eliminate “all female applicants from the pool of candidates.”
Most telling, she shares:
In my book, “Toward a Womanist Ethic of Incarnation: Black Bodies, the Black Church, and the Council of Chalcedon” (Black Religion/Womanist Thought/Social Justice, Palgrave McMillan, 2013), I discuss the nexus of gender politics in the black church and a distortion of the mission of Morehouse College; what I identify as “the moral problem of making men.” In my forthcoming book, “Black Women’s Burden: Male Power, Gender Violence, and the Scandal of African American Social Christianity,” I further interrogate theological erasure and violence against Black women in Black churches. Over the past decade, I have published and lectured extensively on theological liberalism, Black and womanist theologies, Black Church studies, and the specific topic of gender politics in Black churches. Currently, life is tracking my theory. As a candidate in the process, I can directly speak on some of the processes of the committee and activities of certain members of the committee. That, however, is for another time, place, and forum. …The use of other women – Black women patriarchs and clergy disciplined by aspirational maleness – as proxies and/or shields; dull sermonic calls for love and unity amidst violent acts; accusations of divisiveness and other gender-biased claims against the targeted woman; appeals to patriarchal legacy, the blatant misuse of scripture, and the blaspheming of the Spirit with suggestions of being “spirit-led” are merely distractions from sexism in the church; and are well-documented tools of gender bias in church, academy, and society.
https://www.marshallturman.com/
These dynamics are very real. My research on Black girls and women in the Detroit single-sex school debate, “Critical Race, Feminism, and Education: A Social Justice Model,” plays out the challenges of being a Black girl and woman, navigating White supremacy; Black male sexism; Black female race loyalty over gender loyalty, and other complexities of race, class, gender, and nationalism.
The current anti-DEI climate creates an even greater sense of urgency for those of us who are committed. I have often reflected on my arrival 7 years ago at Virginia Tech. I was serving as Vice President of Strategic Affairs and Diversity and Professor of Education; leading diveristy and inclusion. For three years essentially, I worked tirelessly on behalf of the institution, creating structures and systems to advance diversity, equity, and inclusion. I remember feeling that the door was wide open at Virgnia Tech for leading change; the ground had been paved; reports had been written, there was fertile ground; It was time to plant seeds; water them; and cultivate their growth. I often shared with the team that we needed to get as much through the door as we could, because it would potentially become a window, and then close. This level of commitment on my part led to an almost nonstop commitment to the work. But, I have always been clear in my mind. My commitment is to the work, not the institution. I do my work at Virginia Tech, whose motto is “Ut Prosim,” that I may serve. I have been given an assignment by the universe to serve at Virginia Tech. I know that Virginia Tech does not need me. I am dispensable. Even the memorial service that President Epps was attending for an African-American colleagued continued after she was rushed off stage:
https://www.inquirer.com/education/joanne-epps-temple-university-president-dies-20230919.html
I know that I must take care of myself in the midst of my assignment. It is my responsibility to know how to manage that assignment, to know when and how to take steps backward. I do that now, every year, trying to take most of July to recharge and regroup, using the Christmas holiday break to step away, and spring break, too.
It is very challenging to take time away. I started the Faculty Women of Color in the Academy National Conference to create a space to support women of color in higher education. https://www.inclusive.vt.edu/Programs/FWCA.html
We have several workshop pathways and one of them is wellness. At the conference, we create a brave space for women to share their experiences and to know that they are in community with others who understand. At the conference, we have amazing and courageous keynote speakers like, Dr. Susan Faircloth, who has recently shared part of her story on Twitter.
https://x.com/sfaircloth12/status/1704669510123372630?s=46&t=4T-jc4g5ZPOH1gnO6JlYKw
She shares:
“As an American Indian woman in a leadership role, I feared I would be viewed as lazy, uncommitted, and incompetent if I took time off to rest and heal. I thought I needed to be “on” at all times.” After two emergencies surgeries within 6 weeks, she continued to work from her hospital bed before and after surgery, even though she had annual and sick leave available. She said: “For a long time, I was angry at myself and at the academy for compelling me to engage the rhetoric of self-care for others while not practicing it myself. No one should feel compelled to sacrifice their emotional and/or physical well-being for the academy. I say this as someone who loved being a faculty member and a scholar.” She finishes her post with “the academy must do better, but I fear it will not do better until we make it do better.”
As part of the Faculty Women of Color in the Academy National Conference, we also offer quarterly healing hours. Our last healing hour was led by Dr. Cre Dye, who taught us about how to care for ourselves, particularly in these challenging times. She has freely shared yoga wisdom with women of color at the conference for years! Every day she posts an encouraging affirmation on her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/cre.dye
The other reality is that as Black women, we are often wives and mothers and daughters and sisters and aunties, and sister-friends. We are naturally caretakers, not only of the race, but of others who are dependent on us. My mother, Dr. Mildred Pratt, whose life journey I wrote about in From Cotton Picking to College Professor: Lessons about Race, Class, and Gender in America, was one of those women who worked from sun up to sun down, like black women did in slavery; did as sharecroppers; and have continued to do. She became part of the 1% of Black women who were full professors in the 1970s.
Mama cooked every meal for us – breakfast; lunch; and dinner. She drove my brother and me to all our piano and violin lessons, twice a week; rode with my father to tennis tournaments for my brother and me; made my father’s lunch before she went to work as a faculty member; and interviewed 100 elderly African Americans as part of the Bloomington-Normal Black History Project. A pillar of excellence, she had to write the President of the University about her tenure case, asserting the racism of the institution and the stereotypes that she was fighting. My mother also cared for my father while he was dying.
She was my role model. Yet, after she retired, and after my father died, I watched her live another life. A life of travel, of fun, of friends. Since she passed, I have been consciously trying to orchestrate my life in a way to not have to wait until retirement to enjoy life. Sometimes I am more successful than others, but I have learned some pearls of wisdom I thought I might share. I recently participated in a short self-compassion course offered by a Black woman, Esther Boykin, (@estherbmft) @therapyisnotadirtyword. It was a five-day session, and the best quote was from day one: “I stay committed to my own damn self.” I laughed out loud! I remind myself of that daily!
These 10 lessons are some of my own takeaways about self-care, self-compassion, and self-love, and navigating life in the academy.
Number 1: Purpose.
Remember and remind yourself of the why of the work. It is important to have clarity of purpose. Try to honestly answer these questions: Is it a calling? Is it a job? Why do you get up each day and do the particular work you do? Does it bring you joy? Are you decently content? Is the environment good? Are coworkers and colleagues supportive? Are you showing up angry, bitter, and feeling underpaid? Are you showing most days with hope, determination, and commitment? If you cannot articulate “a why” that is satisfying to you, it may be time to shift away from the work. If you die doing this work, is that what you want to be doing?
While I would love to be at a beach, breathing in the ocean, I know that this work of social justice is my calling and I have a deep and unflinching commitment and a steely determination to use my power, privilege, and positionality to empower others. That is my why. My other why is a quote from bell hooks, “No black woman writer in this culture can write “too much”. Indeed, no woman writer can write “too much”…No woman has ever written enough.” So, I must write.
I am excited about my work, and particularly an autobiography that is coming out in April, 2024, based on 45 years of journals called, Blackwildgirl: A Writer’s Journey to Take Back Her Superpower.” It is about holding on to hope, even in the most difficult of times. It is also about reminding ourselves that we all have a superpower. I think it is our responsibility to find out what it is and use it for good. For me, my purpose is to actualize my potential so that I can help others actualize theirs.
Preorder and learn more about the book, the companion journal, and audiobook at: http://www.menahpratt.com/blackwildgirl
Number 2: Academic Community.
As faculty, administrators, and students, we cannot be an island. Now more than ever, it is important to “reach out and touch, somebody’s hand,” in the words of Diana Ross. It is necessary for scholars and administrators of color and those who are allies, advocates, and activists working in spaces of social justice to remain in community and in conversation with others. Faculty and graduate students often feel the need to “hunker down,” and “keep our heads down.” There is so much work, and so much writing, which is often done in solitude. Yet, we must resist the temptation to become an island of one. We must be in community with others who are also in the struggle. It is also important from a practical standpoint to keep your networks active and activated. You don’t know when the quicksand may be under you and you need to explore a new opportunity. I feel blessed to have many colleagues in the work. This year, I’ve been blessed to be an American Council on Education (ACE) Fellow, and as part of the fellowship, I am connected to a wonderful community of new colleagues. In addition to this community, I try to regularly have a check-in with colleagues at Virginia Tech, and those from other academic and administrative communities.
Number 3: Family and Friends.
In addition to an academic and administrative community, it is essential to review your personal network and make sure you have a community of family and friends. I don’t know anyone who wants to think and talk about diversity, equity, inclusion, justice, belonging, engagement, discrimination, and white supremacy all the time. You need folks (children, spouses, friends) to just chill out with and remind you that there is a world outside of work. Of course, these relationships come with their own stress, and so, it is important to do a scan of your network. Is your community of family and friends a wonderful refuge? If not, it may be time to rethink your reality. Has the marriage or relationship run its course? Has the friendship served its purpose? Are there toxic conversations that you are dreading when the phone rings? How can you realign your life to be a place of happiness with your friends and family? Life is too short and precious to spend it in ways that deplete our spirits and sap our souls. Our friends and family should be a source of hope, laughter, and love. For me, my children are an immense source of joy, as are my friends. And after 28 years of marriage, I closed that door, and allowed another one to open, creating my own Hallmark romance, reconnecting with a love from 30 years ago. Our personal lives matter. At the end of every year, I have never heard someone recount with joy all the meetings they attended, but I have heard them talk about wonderful memories that were created from time with family and friends, especially when it can include beautiful places around the world.
Number 4: Beauty.
Speaking of beautiful places, go find them and spend time in them. It may be a local park, a botanical garden, a river, maybe an ocean, a mountain range, cornfields, or forests. Whatever it is that reveals beauty for you, go there, sit in it, become part of it. Those moments allow us to appreciate the expansiveness of the universe and its miraculousness. That alone can be a source of rest and rejuvenation. I love the ocean. I go as often as I can. I try to align my breath with the in and out of the waves caressing the shore. I recently went camping for three days, and was humbled by the magnitude of the trees and forests that will be standing long after my lifetime. I listened to crickets singing all night; I watched the fire and marveled at its heat and beauty; and I took long walks, reflecting on my purpose. In Blacksburg, I often go to Pandapas Pond, a beautiful day-use area on the Eastern Continental Divide, with a wonderful walking trail, a pond, and a wetland where I often see turtles sunning themselves on logs, ducks chilling, and lovely lily pads. I always leave feeling peaceful and good.
President Epps reminds us to Slow Down:
“In my remaining time, I want to make just one point that I am trying, desperately and not always successfully, to follow in my own life. SLOW DOWN. And here’s what I mean by that. Not just the obvious “Take time out – or time off. Put the gadget down and talk or read a book”. I mean slow down and notice what’s coloring your world. Slow down and notice people. Slow down and notice events.” Her remarks were part of a speech when she was dean of the law school, as she accepted the Woman of Spirit Award from Women Against MS on May 26, 2016. https://www2.law.temple.edu/voices/woman-spirit-acceptance-speech-women-ms/
Number 5: Exercise.
We have one body. We have a responsibility to try as hard as we can to cherish it and take good care of it. Moving our body through exercise is good for it. Exercise can take many forms: walking in nature; running; swimming; yoga; tai chi; tennis; and qigong. I recently started qigong and I have been amazed at the importance of learning about my breath and its ability to regulate so many parts of my body. I’ve also started playing tennis again regularly. I have played it since I was a child and I enjoy it. I also enjoy walking. I have found where the deer hang out and on my morning walks, I often get to see them, along with squirrels and rabbits. Our body is the home of our minds, our thoughts, and our entire being. It needs to be well.
Number 6: Eating and Drinking.
I repeat: We have one body. It tells us what it wants, if we are able to listen. It is a sacred temple and instrument for sacred work. It needs to be strong and healthy. It needs the right combination of fuel and nutrition. I am working on this. It has been challenging. I tend to eat too much, because I really enjoy good food. But, I am focusing on healthy eating, and mindful eating. I am also consciously trying to drink more water, close to 100 oz a day. It’s not as hard as I thought. I try to drink 32 ounces first thing in the morning, and that is fairly easy. My body is ready for water in the morning. That leaves 64 ounces, two full water bottles during the day. Finding a good water bottle helps. I found one I like and it is 32 ounces, so it helps me try to track. It also isn’t too heavy, so I do try to carry it around. When I drink water, I like to believe I am filling myself with the ocean. It feels so empowering!
Number 7: Meditate if you can.
Some strategies are basic. We just need to rest and relax more and not to carry worry, anxiety, frustration, confusion, and uncertainty around. It is meaningful to understand what mental and emotional burdens we may unnecessarily be carrying around. Engaging in a spiritual practice such as meditation can be a helpful strategy to practicing self-care, self-love, and self-compassion. I’ve taken various meditation classes over the years. I once took a meditation class at Virginia Tech. Every time the teacher said close your eyes and focus on your breath, I promptly fell asleep! I did, however, learn much during those courses. I realized how challenging it is to actually calm the mind, and to notice all the random thoughts that go by. There is much work on rest as resistance, and an equally important strategy is getting enough rest, which does wonders for the mind, body, and spirit. It helps us keep hope alive.
Number 8: Recess.
As children, many of us had recess. It was a time to put down the pencils, slither out of uncomfortable chairs, run outside, and play. As adults, our lives seem to take on a life of their own, hustling and bustling, sometimes with meetings from dusk to dawn. Where is our recess? What are our hobbies? Do we have any? Is there a new one we could start? Could it help us become part of another community and possibly form new friendships? This could include book clubs, hiking clubs, cooking classes, community center programs, learning an instrument.
I play the piano and try to do that regularly, even if just for a few minutes. I bought Simone, my baby grand, a few years ago. I usually post a song on Sunday mornings on my Facebook and Instagram feeds. I love music, listening to music and dancing to it. I also love art. During the pandemic, I developed a love of paint-by-numbers. It felt incredibly relaxing and calming. I want to find time for that again. I just need to find an hour or so every now and then. I also go to Wine and Design paint classes and pottery-making classes when I can. We all have creative energy in us and it is all around us. We must need to find ways of tapping into that energy source to fill us up. Another one of my hobbies is watching Hallmark movies. I can generally multi-task while watching them, because the plots are predictable, but there is nothing like the kiss at the end and knowing there will be a happy ending! Incorporating some form of recess and play helps connect us to different communities and different parts of ourselves. Most importantly, it can help shift our perspectives about life. In grade school, we sometimes had nap time. Put your head down on your desk. We need to do that as adults. Put our head down; take a nap; Often.
As Maya said: “Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us. ~Maya Angelou
Number 9: Social media fast.
It is important to be part of social media communities. It is networking, but also facilitates connection with friends, real friends, and helps to create new friends. But it is equally important to monitor our time in that world. It has an energy all its own. If we are not mindful, we can spend hours on it and in it, and become exhausted. It may be helpful for us to remember what we did before we spent so much time on social media. Did we read books? Did we call friends? Did we engage in our hobbies? Did we go for walks and look out at the world, and not just down on our phones? It is good to just take meaningful breaks from social media, every now and then. I call it a fast rather than a break, because of the spiritual connotation. When we are “fasting” from social media, we might be able to fill our souls with another type of energy and power and light.
Number 10: You Do You.
My daughter was working a summer camp when she was 17 year old, and at one point, she told some of the other campers who were getting caught up in someone else’s issues: “You do you.” It is great advice for us in the academy. We need to do us. No one can do it for us.
On LinkedIn, this is the post I shared with a reminder: “Let’s be “all in” for us, too.”
At the age of 56, Dr. Orinthia T. Montague, President of Volunteer State Community College died yesterday- “an untimely passing.” She had been president for 2 years. She said: “I’m the kind of leader who will volunteer to help, I’m not just asking someone else to do it. I’m going to lead by example and show the way. If you want people to work alongside you for a common goal, you have to be all in,” she said.
Four days ago on LinkedIn she posted a position for a chief of staff. We do not know that these positions are killing Black women, but as a Black woman who is in education and the same age as Dr. O, (as she was known), I suspect there is a correlation between the depth of our commitment to serve, especially in education, and the impact of the burden and responsibility we shoulder in the work. There is a long history of Black women’s sacrificial service for their communities. We often put others first. So, let’s try to take care of ourselves as best as we can because no one can do that but us.
Let’s be “all in” for us, too.
If you are a woman of color in higher education (faculty, grad student, administrator), please consider attending the conference.
Learn more by watching this video:
Workshop proposals open: ttps://www.inclusive.vt.edu/Programs/FWCA/conference-info/proposal-submissions.html
The workshop tracks include:
- Personal Well-Being
Includes topics related to self-care inside and outside of the academy, developing healing strategies for coping and self-advocacy, approach towards work-life balance, & building social support systems. - Career Development
Includes topics related to mentoring and finding mentors, acquiring skills important for career advancement, writing and publishing, and navigating higher education. - Scholar Activist
Includes topics related to issues of social justice, inequality, and exclusion in academia. Theories of intersectional identity and issues of importance to women of color. - Leadership
Includes topics on developing leadership competencies and philosophy. Using theory and practice to create strategies for effective leadership in current and future roles. - Grad Sis Track
Includes any of the 4 primary tracks and is related to helping women of color navigate the graduate school experience. Also known as Grad Student & Emerging Scholar Development track, we invite women who have a passion for mentoring and developing graduate students. We also see this as an opportunity for our emerging scholars in graduate school to practice presentation and facilitation skills.
Our award portal will be opening soon and this is a wonderful way to give women their flowers:
https://www.inclusive.vt.edu/Programs/FWCA/awards.html
Registration opens on October 15.
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